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I went to school the other day
   Forced there by the uncanny drag
But Chief-man looked the other way
   Casual, like my packed bag
A rock in a box with pink lace
   The drag was gone, free
And landed in a better place
   Rather it landed on me

Silver lining saves the day
Acidic optimism
Inner dining on the prey
Seething lonely in a prism

           The comedy gods laugh at the irony.

Do I like my language?
Only as much as the pen in my hand.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconninjastar13:

Author's Comments

Whew finally, a couple of things going on in here.
Trying to play around with psalm structure and interweaving
a different rhyme scheme with an actual story of my life. lemme know what ya think!!

Comments


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:iconpoetoffire:
My favorite by far. I love the thought of "acidic optimism"

--
I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all. ~Richard Wright
:iconginger-elvis:
Cleverly worded piece of work. I liked it overall. The moderate use of common cliches is a good way to draw in the reader and the rhyming in the first stanza is strong.

I can see that you were trying to go "outside the box", but by the second stanza the rhythm kind of faltered a bit. That threw me off slightly. Also, although "acidic optimism" is a great use of imagery, the rhyming of "optimism" and "prism" is a bit weak.

Overall though, this is a good poem, and I enjoyed reading it. :)

--
If you've got nothing to die for,
Then what have you got to live for?

Dreams are unreal by definition,
Reality is changing one's dreams,
Because when one dream is realised, a new one is born
:iconninjastar13:
Thank you i kinda forced the rhyme, because i really like acidic optimism. Ill keep that in mind when i retool this. thnx again:)

--
:jedi: Gallery: [link] :ninjastar:
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace :peace:
:iconninjastar13:
Me too
Thank you:)

--
:jedi: Gallery: [link] :ninjastar:
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace :peace:
:iconzelme:
This is excellent. Many of the rhymed poems I read on dA sound quite forced, but this seems very natural. The rhythm is great, as are the word choices. I'm faving this.
:iconginger-elvis:
np ;)

--
If you've got nothing to die for,
Then what have you got to live for?

Dreams are unreal by definition,
Reality is changing one's dreams,
Because when one dream is realised, a new one is born
:iconninjastar13:
Too good, youre too good to me. (blushes)
thank you:)

--
:jedi: Gallery: [link] :ninjastar:
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace :peace:
:icondetectivesocks:
This is good :D
I like the sentence,
"Silver lining saves the day"

Overall, it's very nice :)

--
:damphyr:"Science is for those who learn; Poetry, for those who know"
:damphyr: Joseph Roux?
:iconninjastar13:
You are too kind(*bows*)
:)

--
:jedi: Gallery: [link] :ninjastar:
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace :peace:

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September 12, 2008
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