I went to school the other day
Forced there by the uncanny drag
But Chief-man looked the other way
Casual, like my packed bag
A rock in a box with pink lace
The drag was gone, free
And landed in a better place
Rather it landed on me
Silver lining saves the day
Acidic optimism
Inner dining on the prey
Seething lonely in a prism
The comedy gods laugh at the irony.
Do I like my language?
Only as much as the pen in my hand.
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Author's Comments
Whew finally, a couple of things going on in here.
Trying to play around with psalm structure and interweaving a different rhyme scheme with an actual story of my life. lemme know what ya think!! |
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September 12, 2008
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Comments
--
I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all. ~Richard Wright
I can see that you were trying to go "outside the box", but by the second stanza the rhythm kind of faltered a bit. That threw me off slightly. Also, although "acidic optimism" is a great use of imagery, the rhyming of "optimism" and "prism" is a bit weak.
Overall though, this is a good poem, and I enjoyed reading it.
--
If you've got nothing to die for,
Then what have you got to live for?
Dreams are unreal by definition,
Reality is changing one's dreams,
Because when one dream is realised, a new one is born
--
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace
Thank you
--
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace
--
If you've got nothing to die for,
Then what have you got to live for?
Dreams are unreal by definition,
Reality is changing one's dreams,
Because when one dream is realised, a new one is born
thank you
--
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace
I like the sentence,
"Silver lining saves the day"
Overall, it's very nice
--
--
---Surrealism without purpose is like fish...
Peace
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